through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered . . .

INCOHERENT POST INCOMING BECAUSE GUESS WHAT KIDS JUSTIN VERLANDER JUST THREW A NO HITTER.

No. Fucking. Hitter. I would like to cordially invite all the people who went on about a sophomore slump to FUCKING SUCK IT.

I am just crazed. After Curt's game last week, I was amped to eleven. I spent much of the game playing Kingdom of Loathing and just listening to the Detroit broadcast. Until the top of the eighth, when I realized I didn't know how many hits the Brewers had gotten and went to go check.

NONE THAT'S HOW MANY.

It took me a minute to even register that. And man, I'm glad I hadn't noticed before, because I was instantly so nervous I thought I might throw up.

So I immediately went right the fuck back to playing KoL and listening. As IF I was going to change a single thing I was doing. Stopping to watch the game would have been DEATH.

And Rod and Mario! The Detroit announcers! I could kiss them both right on the mouth for keeping said mouths the fuck shut. They talked about Justin's Ks (twelve!! by the time the game was over) and THAT WAS IT. No dancing around the subject, and sure as shit no saying the fucking words. Professionals all the way. After listening to the Boston radio announcers jinx Curt to hell and back - god bless Rod and Mario.

And LOVE for Neifi Perez. He executed an outstanding play to start a doubleplay that just narrowly - by one step - prevented a hit in the eight. BLESS. I love you Neifi and shall defend you and your black hole bat of doom forthwith, because that no hitter dies in the eighth without you.

And the offense, especially crazy-ass Brandon Inge with his two RBI, for scoring enough runs to give everyone one less thing to worry about.

And JUSTIN! What do I even say? One hundred twelve pitches. Twelve Ks. Four walks (enough to keep from feeling cheated out of perfection). AND NO FUCKING HITS. Justin Verlander, you have been one of my favorite pitches since you came up. This was an amazing experience. Thank you. Now go get blasted on your teammates' nickels, kid. You've more than earned it.

Final score: 4-0 Tigers. And their first no hitter since 1984. And I am totally not misting up at all.

Well. Two outta three dramatic ninth inning wins ain't bad.

I have decided what to do about the problem with that guy I can't stand being on my team. I will refer to him as the Nameless DH. I think this will allow me to survive his at bats without having a coronary, and to cheer his successes without agonizing conflict.

So - we are currently at 1-0 Tigers, thanks to a homerun from the Nameless DH! Yay!

Ugh, heartburn . . .


sigh.

I really thought that the passage of time would help me accept the fact that I am going to have to root for Gary Sheffield this year.

STILL DO NOT WANT AAHHHHHHH

Let me share with you my top five list of hated baseball players, okay? IN THIS ORDER.

1. Aaron Boone. Because duh.
2. Albert Pujols. Bite me so hard for Game Five of the '05 NLCS, bitch. Too bad your team sucked though not as much as last year ogodwhy. I so enjoy the revelations that he is a total dick.
3. Alex Rodriguez. I know, I know, those of you who've known me for a couple years expect him to be higher. But unlike the two above, his obnoxious behavior really makes me laugh more than it pisses me off, so slot three it is.
4. GARY FUCKING SHEFFIELD AAAAAAH. He is an asshole with no class and no respect and I HATE THE CRAZY BAT. HATEHATEHATE. He is also creepy. He looks like a guy who would hit a woman, which I know is a tired and potentially wanky simile, but please. Look at that smirk and tell me it's not true. It may just be unfortunate physical characteristics, but I don't care. Hate.
5. Barry Bonds. Because it's kind of required to hate Barry Bonds at this point.

And really, I would actually prefer to have A-Rod end up on one of my teams. At least he doesn't actively give me the creeps.

So you can understand why I am still having a problem with this so long after the fact. Hey, Sheff, if you could bat .320 and hit forty homers and at least justify making my skin crawl every time I have to watch you bat, that would be real swell.

Also, I am going to start trying to post something every day. I have been neglecting my journal most appallingly and I've got to get back in the habit of posting.

Also, DO NOT WANT AAAAAAAHHHHHH