through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered . . .

So - last night the Ambien did not work so good. I think I was not tired enough for it to hook in properly - I was well-rested yesterday (and actually did a little RPing, omg, I've been too tired either physically, mentally, or both to do much of it, and I've missed it) and went to bed before I was feeling especially tired to make sure the Ambien had enough time to at least start exiting my system before I had to get up. So I wasn't ready to sleep and I think that fucked it up. I will be ready tonight, oh yes.

At least I hope that was it, because man, this is all I've got for now. Ann has reached the end of what she can do, and is working on getting me a referral to the outpatient psychiatric center at a nearby hospital, because there is clearly something the fuck wrong with me that is keeping the sleep cycle resets from taking root. I've got the okay to keep up with the Ambien, and she suggested every other day again to keep tolerance from setting in too deeply. I'm gonna start that a couple days from now, because I also have school stuff to worry about. I am so close to the end of the semester, I can't screw up now.

So, I'm on a waiting list at the hospital, which is going to be probably weeks' worth of waiting, though I might be able to cut it down some by making regular phone calls to remind them that I really really really want to do this and I'm not kidding around and I need that spot.

Meanwhile, on Wednesday, I'm going back to the student health center to get some bloodwork done, just so they can rule out thyroid and anemia problems. I should have gotten it done before, but I was worried about the money - the health fee doesn't cover lab costs - but now I don't care. Have all my money! I just want to sleep normally again.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go work on a paper that needs to at least get started whether I'm up to writing it or not.

(I need an icon that better demonstrates flailing excitement. Any suggestions?)

I slept last night! For, like, eight and a half hours! The nurse practitioner at the student health center prescribed me some Ambien (along with a billion warnings about avoiding addiction, so yes, I know, I'll be careful), and it woooorked. Thank god. I also scheduled an appointment for counselling, since they offer a certain number of free counselling sessions per year and it is becoming steadily more obvious that something is the fuck wrong with me if my mind is so fired up at night that it's screwing up my sleep so badly.

If I'm really lucky, I might even be able to give that presentation tomorrow that I've had to put off twice already because of this stupid insomnia. Which my professor has been very understanding about, but I feel like a jerk anyway. Important notice if you attend school of any kind: Do not get insomnia near the end of the semester! It will fuck your scholastic shit up!

In other news, since I feel like I should tell you guys about something other than how my life sucks lately because I can't sleep, I registered for my fall classes today! Which officially turns my four-year degree into an at-least-five-year degree, but whatever, these things happen. I'm in no hurry to graduate anyway. Being a student beats the shit out of being in the real grown-up world.

But anyway! I'm going to take an English class on WWI (studying it via literature, obvs); a class called Oral Interpretation that is basically learning how to read stuff out loud without being boring, a skill I could stand to hone, in search of the ever-elusive Fine Arts credit; a History class on early Germany taught by that History professor I like so much; and a senior seminar (another requirement) called Aphra Behn and the Libertine Tradition, which I don't know exactly what that is (all I know about libertine stuff I learned from the movie Libertine, most of which I have forgotten by now anyway) but it sounds awesome. AND they're all afternoon classes like I had last semester, which will help a lot with keeping a more consistent sleep pattern than I've had this semester.

So that's what's on my mind today. Now I have to go hit the laundromat; I had to wear Laundry Day clothes to campus today because I was too tired over the weekend to face doing laundry. If nothing else, I'm learning a thing or two about getting shit done when I feel good enough to not worry about counting spoons.

FLIST. After having gotten back into a reasonably normal sleep cycle again and even giving up the medication I'd been taking (I slept better the night after, which was Friday night, than I have in ages), I once more have missed a night's sleep and am basically terrified that it's starting again. Obvsly I'm going right back on the Benadryl tonight, but I am not above begging for reassurance and calming vibes and all that shit, because SERIOUSLY getting worked up here. Please help me snap me out of it in the next couple of hours before I have to go to bed! I am going to lose my damn MIND if I have to do this again so soon.

(Uh, and to those of you on the_thickofit who may have been wondering where this week's comm rewatch post was - my bad. By the time I remembered it, it was so late I decided to go with taking a week off and apologizing profusely next week. It's gotten so quiet, anyway; I'm not sure how many people even care anymore.)

Thanks to everyone who replied to my post earlier! I did, in fact, manage to fall asleep when I went back to bed, and the crawling-ants sensation seems to be pretty much gone now. I really appreciate how many people kindly assured me that I wasn't dying - I didn't really think I was, but I was anxious and (naturally) not thinking clearly.

I have a class to get to now, even though I couldn't do any of the reading for it yesterday, and I'm still going to stop at the student health center to see if I can get any assistance there, bcause I know this ain't over yet. I managed to sleep Monday night, too, after all, and look how that worked out.

So in conclusion, you guys are awesome and I love you.

Wow, so, I don't know why getting little to no sleep before I have to get up early has become a theme in the last month or so, but I'm really over it and am ready for it to go away now. Attending my four PM class is going to be an impossibility now, as my current goal is to survive the next three hours or so and then come home and (hopefully) sleep until four, after which I will work on a project I have due Wednesday. Which is something I should be doing this afternoon, but I will be sleeping instead, because my brain and body hate me all of a sudden.

Note to self: no early classes next semester. This shit is not working out.