through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered . . .

So - last night the Ambien did not work so good. I think I was not tired enough for it to hook in properly - I was well-rested yesterday (and actually did a little RPing, omg, I've been too tired either physically, mentally, or both to do much of it, and I've missed it) and went to bed before I was feeling especially tired to make sure the Ambien had enough time to at least start exiting my system before I had to get up. So I wasn't ready to sleep and I think that fucked it up. I will be ready tonight, oh yes.

At least I hope that was it, because man, this is all I've got for now. Ann has reached the end of what she can do, and is working on getting me a referral to the outpatient psychiatric center at a nearby hospital, because there is clearly something the fuck wrong with me that is keeping the sleep cycle resets from taking root. I've got the okay to keep up with the Ambien, and she suggested every other day again to keep tolerance from setting in too deeply. I'm gonna start that a couple days from now, because I also have school stuff to worry about. I am so close to the end of the semester, I can't screw up now.

So, I'm on a waiting list at the hospital, which is going to be probably weeks' worth of waiting, though I might be able to cut it down some by making regular phone calls to remind them that I really really really want to do this and I'm not kidding around and I need that spot.

Meanwhile, on Wednesday, I'm going back to the student health center to get some bloodwork done, just so they can rule out thyroid and anemia problems. I should have gotten it done before, but I was worried about the money - the health fee doesn't cover lab costs - but now I don't care. Have all my money! I just want to sleep normally again.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go work on a paper that needs to at least get started whether I'm up to writing it or not.

FLIST. After having gotten back into a reasonably normal sleep cycle again and even giving up the medication I'd been taking (I slept better the night after, which was Friday night, than I have in ages), I once more have missed a night's sleep and am basically terrified that it's starting again. Obvsly I'm going right back on the Benadryl tonight, but I am not above begging for reassurance and calming vibes and all that shit, because SERIOUSLY getting worked up here. Please help me snap me out of it in the next couple of hours before I have to go to bed! I am going to lose my damn MIND if I have to do this again so soon.

(Uh, and to those of you on the_thickofit who may have been wondering where this week's comm rewatch post was - my bad. By the time I remembered it, it was so late I decided to go with taking a week off and apologizing profusely next week. It's gotten so quiet, anyway; I'm not sure how many people even care anymore.)