through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered . . .

Rod Allen's theory on why the Red Sox suck now: Kebmillah and Damon are gone so we "tightened up," and now "the Yankees are running away with the division." I love you, Rod. Never change.

So I finish watching the Tigers wreck the Angels and I click over to my friendslist and find oh my god Papelbon is injured now!? It is official. With the millions of injuries and the depressing trades and the cancer, the Red Sox are having a far, far worse August/September than the '05 Tigers did. That is a difficult accomplishment and not one to strive for. Man. This is sort of passing beyond blackly amusing into the realm of the pathetic, and I mean that in the original sense of the word. Well. At least they won tonight?

Awwwww Trupe is interviewing Kyle Snyder. He's all nervous and stuttery. *pets him*

OKAY OKAY. I give. Five Things meme. You've seen it, you know the format, I'm too lazy to track it down. Lay 'em on me.

Also, did the Red Sox just win? Aren't they odd. ♥

This is like, the best game ever. This is what happens when you have two high-powered offenses facing really shitty pitching. Also, breaking the time record for ninth inning games! I am so entertained.

Of course, I just endured the workshift from hell and I am just glad to be home with beer. And listening to a game. If the game involves the Red Sox playing their very worst against the Yankees? I am okay with that. Because I am not at work. (ONE MORE WEEK and then I leave and start college YAYZ.)

So. Without checking documentation of any kind, going entirely on my kind of distant knowing of the workings in Boston, I'm going to see if I can figure out who the hell is playing for the Red Sox now.

Lineup:

1B Youk. Youk also bats leadoff. His name causes confused casual viewers around the globe to ask, "Why they booing him?"
2B Loretta. His name brings to mind Dave Barry's version of the "oh god she's dead" genre of soft rock. "Oh Loretta/Why did I letcha/Stand unattended/Near the threshing machine?"
3B Lowell. I like the redsox community's nickname for him, Myglowl. Say it three or four times. It just rolls of the tongue. MR DOUBLES MYGLOWL!
C Apparently we have a problem here. My boy Varitek did bad things to his knee and now he is gone for a while. Happily, I opened my beer before I read about this after work, so I'm okay. So now we have Dougie. Also, they activated Ken Huckaby. I cannot wait to break out the I [heart] Huckabees jokes.
LF Manny. Or possibly Wily Mo. I confess, I can never remember which is right field and which is left. Either way, not Trot. 'Cause he swung that bat damn hard, he did.
CF Coco, yes? He's not injured and replaced with an interchangeable rookie anymore, right?
RF See above. I lose.

Starting Pitching, in no particular order, because at this point in the season I never know the order of the rotation no matter how closely I follow a team:

Schilling, having recovered from his scary '05 self.
Beckett, who I understand is the guy we had to take in order to get Myglowl.
Boomer. Which is kind of a miracle, being as the entire world thought he was finished pitching. I really hope he can get on his game, not only for our sake, but for his own. He's a good pitcher and he deserves a decent end to his career.
Jason Johnson? OH GOD WHY. Although he was decent tonight, so maybe that time in the minors was what he needed. Haha, I made a funny joke.
. . . Kyle Snyder? I guess . . . ? Well. At least he looks like Bronson. Almost as good as pitching like him.

Bullpen:

Seanez and Tavarez. I do not need a psuedo-funny remark here because they've got it covered.
Papelbon. Thank god.
There must be other guys. I do not know their names. None of them appear to be Timlin. Woe.

How'd I do? I didn't come up blank nearly as often as I expected, so either I'm more familiar with the '06 Red Sox than I thought or I just made up a whole lotta crap.

Blah blah All-Star Game whatever. We all knew Ozzie Guillen was going to be a giant doucheburger and stuff the AL team with as many White Sox as he could get away with, and we also knew that a lot of excellent players would get overlooked in favor of either completely inexplicable choices or the fact that each team has to have a token representative.

Boys from my teams who made it, because if I'm rereading this in six months I'm gonna wish I'd made a list: Papi, Mark Loretta, Manny, Bronson Arroyo, Ivan Rodriguez, Kenny Rogers, Jon Papelbon, and Lance Berkman's token Astro self in reserves. Justin Verlander is in the running for the AL Final Vote. All of this is, of course, subject to change based on who ends up dropping out.

Last year I was all pissed off because my Houston boyfriend Morgan didn't make the team. (He did end up getting in after whoever the hell from the Cards had to drop out.) This year, I just don't care. There are countless deserving candidates and not enough spaces, to say nothing of the silly politics and name recognition.

So I could get all worked up over unfair exclusions and Ozzie Guillen sucks and blah blah, or I could sit back, eat some popcorn, watch everyone else get worked up, be glad most of my boys get a break to gear up for the second half, and hope to god every last White Sox player participating breaks an ankle.

Damn. Looks like I'm still Rocket poison. I was hoping that was just a 2005 thing, and I'd be able to watch his starts this year without the very presence of my attention dooming him to a no-decision at best, but not so much, apparently. Just like each of the few times I watched him start last year before I wised up, he had a beautiful outing and the offense helpfully got themselves shut out. Sorry, Roger. I won't do it again. (Though probably it would also help if you didn't try to kill the umpire and end up forcing Garner's hand. Just a thought.)

Although, obviously, it wasn't just me over here. Nate Robertson had a lovely outing, shutting down the (admittedly sadsack) Astros offense for seven innings, with six hits, three walks, and four K's. He also recovered nicely after making an embarrassing throwing error that let Preston Wilson get to third. Zumaya did the job in the eighth, a little shaky at first but getting himself neatly out of trouble, and Rollercoaster Jones had (omg GASP) a perfect ninth.

Also, a special note for the Tigers offense: Alexis Gomez got his first Major League homerun in the eighth inning.

And the crowd last night. I'm used to hearing noise at ballgames. Every Red Sox home game is sold out, and Fenway is always deafening in tight spots and on big plays. The crowd gets into the game and tries to carry its players through on sheer volume. I don't remember hearing that sort of noise very often for my other teams, and possibly never for the Tigers.

Last night, Comerica Park sounded like Fenway. The crowd screamed for Nate as he fought to get that last out in the seventh and eradicate the mistake with Preston. The crowd screamed for Zumaya as he battled back from allowing two baserunners, recording two K's in a row to clean it up. The crowd screamed for Tigers hitters in full counts, for Craig Monroe's two-RBI double to break the scoreless tie, for Alexis's homer. That crowd made Comerica ring last night, and I wonder if it's ever heard that sort of noise in its few years' existence before.

This team deserves that noise level, and I hope they get to hear it again. With a 53-25 record, they continue to hold first place in the MLB and in their division. This has been amazing to follow, and has just completely devoured my brain. Detroit seems closer than Boston right now, and much as I want to step back and take a breath and pay some attention to my first baseball love as well, there always seems to be a reason these days why the Tigers game is more compelling than the Red Sox. Today I am far more excited about the Verlander/Pettitte matchup than about Pedro's return to the mound at Fenway. (Although this is at least partly because I've never seen Pedro in quite the same way since his graceless, childish, whiny departure from Boston. Go if you must, that's how the game is played, but there's no need for the self-serving parting shots. I don't care a whit about Pedro and probably never will again.) What the Tigers are doing this year after what they have done for nearly a decade and a half is nothing short of astonishing, and I can't seem to tear my eyes away long enough to give the Red Sox the attention they deserve, or my poor mediocre Astros the love they seem to need right now. I feel a little guilty, like a parent who does, in fact, secretly have a favorite child, but I am powerless to resist it.

Whoops. Sorry, I didn't mean to spew rambling justification all over you guys. I'll go get you a towel.

Jesus, do I have to look at the Yankees AGAIN? I am sick of them and do not care, kthx. I am working nights during most of this series, I do not care, the one night I have off during it I am pretty sure coincides with Justin Verlander's next start, so I will be watching that. Because I do not care. The Yankees have played the Red Sox three times already, they played the Tigers last week, and I never ever want to see them again. Go away. There are other teams in the league, too, or so I hear.

Also, I love Jim Leyland. That was the best thing I've seen all week. Out of the dugout to yell at the impassive umpire. Turn and start to walk off. Whip around and yell some more. Turn and start to walk off. Whip around, stalk over to the plate, demonstrate the strike zone, and yell some more. Finally go to the dugout. Take sweet time getting a drink of water and delivering a parting shot before at least disappearing on the clubhouse. Brilliant. Everything I think I couldn't love Leyland any more than I already do, he proves me wrong. ♥

I found this quote at The Joy of Sox:

Francona said he told Wells after an aborted throwing session, "'Seems to me that if you thought you could pitch you'd be yelling at me.' And he says, 'Yeah.'"

Did you hear that little sound? That was my heart breaking into tiny pieces. Boomer too disspirited to yell is likely the saddest thing I will hear all day.

So. I know that Roman Ramon (okay, okay, Roman Colon, whatever) is starting for the Tigers tonight in Maroth's place, and I am comfortable with that, since he stepped up nicely to cover for Maroth in that miserable last start (six runs in a third of an inning, ouch, Mikey, I'm almost glad it was an injury and not just spontaneous sucking).

But who the hell is starting for the Red Sox in Boomer's spot when it comes back around? DiNardo was doing it before, but he's on the DL last I heard. And, uh, who else do we have? This troubles me. I can think of three or four guys I would accept taking the start for Maroth, but I have no idea who they're going to put in for Boomer. The Tigers have a solid bullpen, and plenty of guys in AAA we could call up without a moment's worry. The Red Sox have - Timlin. Who is on the DL. They have prospects, sure, but those prospects are in the minor leagues for a reason, and it ain't because there isn't room for them up here.

The flaw here, however, is that frankly I know a lot more about the Tigers right now than I do the Red Sox. Yes, yes, bad and wrong, equal attention, blah whatever, at least I know the Red Sox line-up, which is more than I could say about the Astros. This equal attention thing does not work when one of the teams appears to have had fairy dust sprinkled on its heads so it can go out and do all kinds of magical things. My point here being, is there something I'm missing? Am I misinformed about DiNardo? Is Jon Lester more ready than I thought? Are we going to try a four-man rotation for a little while? Can someone fill me in? Or am I right on the nose?