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Apr. 17th, 2005 04:44 pmI just got back from meeting up with a friend from high school. I have a story, but first: I just checked my e-mail and found an Astros postgame alert. Me, clicking on it: "I bet they lost by one run yay!"
Score: Astros 5, Reds 6.
Me: "I WAS KIDDING."
STOP IT ASTROS.
Okay, story. Aubin and I had agreed to meet up in a parking lot. I got there first on foot, and so sat down and lit up a cigarette to wait. She pulls in seconds later and aims for a parking spot next to a van.
She misjudges the location of the lines and brushes the van. And I mean brushes. Like there was a small paint exchange, but that was it. I was about twenty feet away and saw it clearly.
So she tries again and parks successfully.
Meanwhile, there's this guy getting out of the van and checking the damage. I walk over as Aubin's getting out of her car; she immediately goes over and apologizes profusely, embarrassed by making such a goofball move.
The guy goes off on her. He's ranting on about how she had all this space, and how did she manage to hit his van, and blah blah blah, and pretty much makes out like she did it on purpose. Aubin, upset now, explains that it was an accident and apologizes some more.
He keeps going on about the same crap. I am standing there smoking my cigarette and getting truly pissed. I really want to jump down this guy's throat, but I hold off to see if a) he's going to get it out of his system and chill, or b) he's going to get even more worked up, in which case my jumping in would only make things worse.
He keeps on the same self-righteous level, gesturing indignantly to the minimal scrape: "What was the purpose of this?"
ENOUGH. I'm usually very non-confrontational, but for fuck's sake. "Are you not listening? It was an accident!"
Blah blah blah all that space blah blah blah how could she blah blah blah yelling at a girl so much smaller than me sure makes my dick feel big.
Then he asks Aubin how old she is - she's eighteen, but looks like she could be younger; I bet that if she'd been a big guy he wouldn't have said a single word - and who the car belongs to. Aubin, near tears at this point, says that it's her mother's.
He pounces. "How do you think your mother's going to feel about this?"
HEAD ASPLODY. Aubin is not a child and her mother is none of his goddamn business. "That was not called for, sir," I say sharply.
"Well, this wasn't called for!"
"It was an accident! Bringing up her mother was very much deliberate!" I cannot tell you how pissed I was at this point. It takes a lot to make me snap at anyone, let alone a stranger. Ripping the skin off one of my friends, however, does the job nicely.
Since I was right and he was out of line, he has no answer for this.
Aubin goes off to the side a little and starts crying. At this point, I'll admit that I sank to a level just a bit lower: "Oh, nice going. You're such an asshole." Then I go put my arms around Aubin.
Meanwhile, the guy's wife or whatever has called the police, so while we wait, Aubin calms down and we take a look at her bumper, which is every bit as damaged as his. That is to say, just barely. Maybe a layer or two of paint came off. So I assure Aubin that it's no big deal. She seems much more okay, and we even joke around a little. I finish my cigarette and light another immediately, because that's how angry I still am.
The police officer arrives and could not be nicer. He makes sure everyone's okay, looks at both vehicles, sees the teenytinyness of the damage, and also assures Aubin that there's no problem.
He talks to the guy for a while - or the guy rants at him, they were too far away to hear. Aubin tries to decide whether or not she's going to end up puking. I work on a third cigarette.
Once the guy leaves, the officer calls Aubin over to his car to be nice at her some more, which makes her cry again. He wants to know why she's so upset, and I explain that the guy was an asshole, only this time I manage to check myself and say "jerk" instead.
Aubin: "He just got out of his car and started yelling at me."
The officer cements his title as Awesomest Police Officer Ever by saying, "Why didn't you tell me? I'd've ripped him a new ass." LOVE. I must remember to call the department and tell them how cool this guy is.
He continues by explaining to Aubin that she just needs to call her insurance company, that they won't care about such a minor accident, and just generally sets her at ease by being very clear about what happens next and that there won't be any horrible consequences. Officer Kevin Haley, you win.
And I've been saving one little detail till last. You want to know the best part? The punchline? The icing on the cake? The part that made me smirk when I first got a look at the asshole and the hat he was wearing?
He was a Yankee fan.
And I was wearing my Varitek shirt. So I bet when he tells this story, he'll be saying, "And the bitch that yelled at me was a fucking Red Sox fan!" HAHAHA.
Score: Astros 5, Reds 6.
Me: "I WAS KIDDING."
STOP IT ASTROS.
Okay, story. Aubin and I had agreed to meet up in a parking lot. I got there first on foot, and so sat down and lit up a cigarette to wait. She pulls in seconds later and aims for a parking spot next to a van.
She misjudges the location of the lines and brushes the van. And I mean brushes. Like there was a small paint exchange, but that was it. I was about twenty feet away and saw it clearly.
So she tries again and parks successfully.
Meanwhile, there's this guy getting out of the van and checking the damage. I walk over as Aubin's getting out of her car; she immediately goes over and apologizes profusely, embarrassed by making such a goofball move.
The guy goes off on her. He's ranting on about how she had all this space, and how did she manage to hit his van, and blah blah blah, and pretty much makes out like she did it on purpose. Aubin, upset now, explains that it was an accident and apologizes some more.
He keeps going on about the same crap. I am standing there smoking my cigarette and getting truly pissed. I really want to jump down this guy's throat, but I hold off to see if a) he's going to get it out of his system and chill, or b) he's going to get even more worked up, in which case my jumping in would only make things worse.
He keeps on the same self-righteous level, gesturing indignantly to the minimal scrape: "What was the purpose of this?"
ENOUGH. I'm usually very non-confrontational, but for fuck's sake. "Are you not listening? It was an accident!"
Blah blah blah all that space blah blah blah how could she blah blah blah yelling at a girl so much smaller than me sure makes my dick feel big.
Then he asks Aubin how old she is - she's eighteen, but looks like she could be younger; I bet that if she'd been a big guy he wouldn't have said a single word - and who the car belongs to. Aubin, near tears at this point, says that it's her mother's.
He pounces. "How do you think your mother's going to feel about this?"
HEAD ASPLODY. Aubin is not a child and her mother is none of his goddamn business. "That was not called for, sir," I say sharply.
"Well, this wasn't called for!"
"It was an accident! Bringing up her mother was very much deliberate!" I cannot tell you how pissed I was at this point. It takes a lot to make me snap at anyone, let alone a stranger. Ripping the skin off one of my friends, however, does the job nicely.
Since I was right and he was out of line, he has no answer for this.
Aubin goes off to the side a little and starts crying. At this point, I'll admit that I sank to a level just a bit lower: "Oh, nice going. You're such an asshole." Then I go put my arms around Aubin.
Meanwhile, the guy's wife or whatever has called the police, so while we wait, Aubin calms down and we take a look at her bumper, which is every bit as damaged as his. That is to say, just barely. Maybe a layer or two of paint came off. So I assure Aubin that it's no big deal. She seems much more okay, and we even joke around a little. I finish my cigarette and light another immediately, because that's how angry I still am.
The police officer arrives and could not be nicer. He makes sure everyone's okay, looks at both vehicles, sees the teenytinyness of the damage, and also assures Aubin that there's no problem.
He talks to the guy for a while - or the guy rants at him, they were too far away to hear. Aubin tries to decide whether or not she's going to end up puking. I work on a third cigarette.
Once the guy leaves, the officer calls Aubin over to his car to be nice at her some more, which makes her cry again. He wants to know why she's so upset, and I explain that the guy was an asshole, only this time I manage to check myself and say "jerk" instead.
Aubin: "He just got out of his car and started yelling at me."
The officer cements his title as Awesomest Police Officer Ever by saying, "Why didn't you tell me? I'd've ripped him a new ass." LOVE. I must remember to call the department and tell them how cool this guy is.
He continues by explaining to Aubin that she just needs to call her insurance company, that they won't care about such a minor accident, and just generally sets her at ease by being very clear about what happens next and that there won't be any horrible consequences. Officer Kevin Haley, you win.
And I've been saving one little detail till last. You want to know the best part? The punchline? The icing on the cake? The part that made me smirk when I first got a look at the asshole and the hat he was wearing?
He was a Yankee fan.
And I was wearing my Varitek shirt. So I bet when he tells this story, he'll be saying, "And the bitch that yelled at me was a fucking Red Sox fan!" HAHAHA.
