remindmeofthe | (no subject)

In the process of (slooooowly) rewatching the first series of Torchwood as research of sorts for the Owen in the recent past 'verse (which is chugging along, also slowly), I am up to "Captain Jack Harkness." Yeah, and I'm not spoiler cutting for an episode that aired like two years ago.

Neil Gaiman picked on this episode as evidence of Why The People in Torchwood Season One Are All Too Stupid To Live, and I can't say I'm arguing with his choice here. I don't remember laughing so much at this episode the first time I watched it. But come on. Here we have:

* Owen, back and working after his minor little incident wherein he attempted suicide via weevil, and so clearly unhinged it boggles my brain that Jack actually deemed him fit for duty. Owen is not well. The suicide attempt is very possibly one of his LESSER problems. I would not trust the Owen in this episode to drive me to the store, let alone hang around the Rift and be IN CHARGE, what with being second in command and all.

Of course, Jack's complete inability to read his employees is nothing short of legendary and is indeed a major theme of the first series. Suzie turning homicidal and going mad under the influence of the resurrection gauntlet? Check. Ianto sneaking around taking care of his cybernetic girlfriend, finally being caught at it, and being kept on staff for no discernible reason? Check. Owen having already fucked up one assignment due to his major Issues after Diane's departure? Check. All of this happening right under Jack's nose, often by his hand, when he should be keeping a very, VERY close eye on his staff for signs of cracking under the strain of their highly stressful and utterly crucial jobs? Big fat fucking check. Jack, you are too stupid to live. Owen deserves none of the blame for what happens because he is fucked in the head at the moment. It's all on you.

* Ianto, well aware of how unstable Owen is, doing absolutely nothing to stop him for most of the episode except bitch at him (in Gareth David-Lloyd's very best Determined But Emotional Voice! Cutie pie! Here, have a sweetie!) and stand around utilizing severely pissy body language. I totally cheered when Owen thwacked him with that folder thing. And then when he finally DOES sack up and DO something about Owen's attempts at destroying the world, it's to shoot Owen in the SHOULDER when he is close enough to just jump Owen and when doing so would in fact be far more effective. Ianto, you are too stupid to live.

I think Gwen is the only member of Torchwood who comes out of this episode unscathed, and that's only because she's barely in it.

I haven't even finished watching the ep. I'm just up to the dance and I can't even deal with it because my head is swimming from all the stupid.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Man, is my face red. If I'd been thinking I'd have realised that finding some way to get Owen to talk about his emotional state after Diane left - especially as he'd already been screwed over once by HAVING HIS FIANCE KILLED BY AN ALIEN INFECTION - might have prevented him going mental and possibly helped keep him in line later on. Also if I had been less of a RAGING DICK to most of my employees perhaps they wouldn't have mutinied and opened the Rift and released Abbadon, thus leading to the deaths of many people before I could do my needlessly messianic Space Jesus act."

PAUSE.

"Oh, hey, hot alien chick. Laters!"

Yeah, the whole Katie backstory just makes Jack look even worse, doesn't it? It doesn't exactly take a genius to link Owen's frantic efforts to get Diane back with suppressed and festering grief for his dead fiancée. Still completely beyond Jack, though.

Because everything is obviously secondary to his massive century-long epic grief at being abandoned by the Doctooooooor. What a GIT.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, OUR HERO.

I kind of want Donna to meet him and call him a bad word.

Donna would cut him down to size. And it would be glorious.

I like to think that once he'd been reduced to rubble he'd fall for her in a sort of "my saviour" way, and she'd just be exasperated. "Yeah, alright, you're quite buff but you're a BLOODY NUISANCE, go away."

Which Jack would only see as a challenge. Everyone falls under the Harkness thrall eventually! He's just going to have to work a little harder, is all.

Meanwhile, Donna and the Doctor: "Do we really have to keep him? Haven't you noticed that he's COMPLETELY annoying?" "Yeah, but it's fun to watch." *thwack*

"He can't die, can he?"

"Technically, no."

"Does that make dangling him in a live volcano morally wrong?"

"... I'm the wrong person to ask about that."