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CURSE you, Torchwood! I was all set to make fun of you - oh, and I will make fun of you, lots and lots of fun - but then you had to go and let Burn Gorman and Naoko Mori be MADE OF FUCKING AWESOME and I just don't know.

Dammit, I knew Owen was going to die. The narrative demanded it. There was nowhere else for his story to go. So I was ready for that. My only fear was that it would be stupid, but it was suitably hardcore heroism, so I'm cool with it.

But TOSH. DAMMIT. I should have known, too, I'd seen the casting spoilers, but I'd dismissed them. They just seemed like the sorts of rumors that get thrown out there for no apparent reason other than to scare fans. But Tosh. Oh Tosh. That was a surprise. But you also met with a good end, Tosh. That was fucking badass and I'm sorry that you didn't get to be badass a little more often.

God. You know, I'm gonna miss this show. I don't think I'm going to bother with series three. And I'm not being a petulant fan throwing a tantrum. It's just not going to be the same. Many a good ensemble show has been killed by losing cast members, and Torchwood is not a good show. I don't think it has the wherewithal to survive. Ever since I first saw those casting rumors, I've had a feeling that I would be done after this episode, and I'm pretty much okay with that, too. Sometimes brief but torrid affairs are the best kind. (Oh, don't worry, there's still going to be fanfic. Or at least attempts at it. The recent-past-paradigm was always going to be AU, anyway, so no worries there.)

FUCK I AM DEPRESSED NOW. So I am going to cheer myself up with the following question:

JESUS CHRIST, Torchwood, have you EVER had an original thought in your head? I MEAN. Younger family member spends formative years in hellish torment, blames older family member, swears revenge, and takes it by exploiting older family member's inability to die. I regret to inform you, Torchwood, that Angel did it way better. And also Vincent Kartheiser can actually act.

SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK. When I paused the episode five minutes in to go make some tea and passed the time till boiling by reflecting on the resemblances that were ALREADY obvious, deciding to pretend I was watching Angel, and recasting accordingly, IT WAS A FUCKING JOKE. Although, hey, let's see how I did!

Jack = Angel. This we already know. Immortal, lots of angst, gorgeous coat, psycho ex-boyfriend with serious cheekbones. No surprises here. CHECK.
John = Spike. And it's not just the casting. Although that did prove hilarious. Here we have said psycho ex with cheekbones who starts his existence as a character doing the chaotic evil thing, only to have his behavior forcibly modified by technology melded to his body and ultimately turn good(ish) as a result. CHECK.
Gwen = Cordelia. Not so much in the beginning for Cordelia, but toward the end: idolized by writers, becomes perfect in all things except for when she isn't, experiences forced "chemistry" with Angel/Jack because the writers can't leave well enough alone. Hard to say where Gwen's story is going to go, but for now: CHECK.
Owen = Doyle. Becomes a better person as a result of knowing Angel/Jack and going through crazy adventures with him. Story ends in self-sacrifice that involves disintegration of physical form in order to spare multiple lives. CHECK.
Tosh = Fred. Totally brilliant. Endured nightmarish captivity which Angel/Jack rescued her from. If Tosh comes back blue, we'll know for sure I've lined it up right. CHECK.
Ianto = Wesley. Style of dress so very deceiving. Approached Angel/Jack for employment, worked hard to ingratiate self to as to be allowed to stay and work for him. Eventually revealed self as willing and able to coldly and efficiently take any step necessary to get job done. Wesley got more character development in two episodes than Ianto has in two series, but still: CHECK.

I think I already covered Gray = Connor up above. But hey, not a bad set of predictions for idle musing while waiting for tea water to boil, huh? If I'd had any idea how accurate they'd turn out to be - well, I still would have watched, but it wouldn't have been as fun.

And I refuse to even deal with Jack spending two millennia buried under Cardiff. That is so monumentally stupid that I'm filing it next to Jack is the Face of Boe under "just because it's canon doesn't mean I have to do anything about it except laugh hysterically."

Dear Torchwood,

When Angel season three, the redheaded stepchild of the Angel seasons, did it better, that is a pretty solid indication that YOU ARE DOING IT FUCKING WRONG.

I'm still going to miss you, though. I'm especially going to miss having to pause episodes so I can laugh my ass off. It's been a hell of a ride.

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I don't think I'm going to bother with series three.

Me either. Much as I love Ianto and want to impregnate him on a regular basis, they've just lost the two cast members who can actually act, and I'm tired, and Ianto looks set to have a gibbering mental breakdown soon. :( Such a shame. Just as I was getting to tolerate it, too.

Well, if Ianto has a gibbering mental breakdown, I might have to make an exception for that episode, because GDL's crying is lolarious.

And I've been thinking, and even if Owen and Tosh had survived, I probably still wouldn't bother, because you know what REALLY killed the show stone cold dead for me? Nineteen hundred years. That's what. I have wearily accepted a lot of really stupid, poorly written shit as canon for this show, but I just cannot deal with this. I cannot watch a show where I have to take that seriously. Nineteen HUNDRED fucking YEARS. FAIL. I'm just going to have fun with, oh, the first twenty-five episodes of the show. I just can't muster up the interest in anything that comes after. They broke me. You win, Torchwood. You got too stupid even for me.

*g* I think that may well be the best word for it, yes. This is why I'm glad he was uptight and stiff and miserable in the finale rather than bawling all over the place like Jack and Gwen, the Emo Twins.

I cannot watch a show where I have to take that seriously.

It would be relatively easy to ignore. You could claim that the ring was a time-travel device, that it dumped him willy-nilly in wheneveritwas that he was dug up, and he was therefore only buried for a few hours, and then frozen?

I can't. It's just - it's too broken. I can't fix it. I can't even give it the, "Oh well, it's Torchwood" handwave. It's too much. It's too stupid on too many levels from a show that has already committed way too many errors in EVERYTHING. It is, for me at least, the final straw that turns Torchwood from fun to painful. I'm just glad it was the finale and there isn't a series that I feel obligated to finish watching.

GOD LIFE IS PAIN.

I did just finish rewatching "Aliens of London," and Tosh's appearance is, while a bit sad, also pretty funny because you just know she's thinking, "Of all the days for the new guy to call out hungover, why didn't I tell him to fuck off?"

The whole episode was filled with painful weirdness like that ... nuclear reactors don't work like that ... central server building ... wtf, generally. I'm ... how *did* he come out of the ground after nearly 2000 years, with all his clothes intact and his sanity with him? He's older than the Doctor now, for pete's sake!

"Of all the days for the new guy to call out hungover, why didn't I tell him to fuck off?"

Because you're too damn nice, Tosh!

The best theory I've seen is that eventually the ground became so compact and airless than his body was unable to revive completely, so he spent the vast majority of it more or less unconscious. It doesn't really make any sense, since logic would dictate that the revival occurs independent of outside circumstance, but nothing else about the whole thing makes any sense, so fuck it. It's at least nominally better than the idea that he came out of two millennia of constant suffocation without having gone stark raving mad.

The clothes, though, I got nothin'. Really, really GOOD tailor?

Maybe he just kept reviving without ever regaining consciousness, suggesting that Grey really didn't think it through. Like psychopaths tend not to. :) Although ... why was Grey calling him Jack? IT'S NOT HIS NAME.

... the ghost of Ianto's dad? *snicker*

Because Gray is JUST THAT CRAZY. OOOOO SPOOKY.

So, basically, Jack took a really long nap. I still can't say "nineteen hundred years" without giggling helplessly, because WAY TO PILE IT THE FUCK ON. Like I said, a halfway manageable, sane time period I could handle, but enough time for civilizations to rise and fall? No. Fail.

... the ghost of Ianto's dad?

Now, that would be some crack fic. He may not have his son's touch with coffee, but dammit, even dead he can still put together a jacket that'll last a minimum of two thousand centuries underground, GUARANTEED.

Or because the Torchwood writers were too lazy to figure out what Jack's real name might be, or forgot it wasn't his real name. *cough* Oh, god, Chibnall, I hate you so muuuuch.

It'd be awesome. I think what happened was that a future Jack travelled back and met Ianto's dad and got him to make a coat. Then he gave it to past!Jack at some point, while disguised as someone else. It's the only thing that makes sense!

... well, you know. Torchwood sense.

I'm going for the second option, because if it was the first, it would take, like, some sort of weird paradoxically proactive laziness to simply avoid having Gray say Jack's freaking name.

This is obviously what happened, with Jack saying many ironic things about having heard from the best of sources that Mr Jones is the finest tailor alive. Then he can drop hints in Ianto's direction about how awesome his dad was. Preferably during sex, because that is precisely the kind of sense of timing and propriety that Jack possesses.

Yeah, the second does seem more likely.

... oh god my brain. Evidently Jack must have shagged Ianto's dad at some point, just because. But seriously, he has absolutely no concept of tact, that man.

Of course he did! How could he resist the chance to run a comparison? And then there would be the following moment:

"Oh, god, Ianto . . . did you learn that from your dad?"

". . . what?"

". . . nothing?"

"... Why on earth would I have learnt that from my dad? Jack? JACK?"

"Nothing! Carry on. Please."

"I'm not sure I CAN."

"You can if I do this."

"oh - all right, yes."

"That's what I thought."

". . . wait. Why would you think I'd learnt that from my dad?"

"Wild guess."

"Jack."

"*sigh*"

"Stop trying to distract me with - okay, you can distract me with that, but you have to tell me afterwards ..."

"Yeah, yeah. Shut up, lie back, and let me - "

"Oh My GOD."*

*Pretend this is being said in a manner very similar to Vince Tyler's habitual utterance. I spent about an hour this weekend exchanging Vince impressions.

Aw, man. I want someone to exchange Vince impressions with! That's the problem with watching British shows in America, man, I never meet anybody who knows what the hell I'm talking about. And double that if the show's been remade.

Also, it's been a zillion years since I've even watched QaF and I still knew immediately what you meant. I have a wretched memory, so I'm rather pleased with myself for that.

I'd say that's an argument in favour of holidaying in the UK some day. ;)

I haven't seen it in ages either - I only have it on VHS and my tape player died an ignoble and explosive death quite some time ago. But Vince's "Oh my GOD" is indelibably marked in my brain, because I swear that series really did change my life. And not least because Vince was my first proper faghag crush!

There are infinite arguments in favor of holidaying in the UK! England's always occupied a top spot on my "places to visit someday" list. I don't wanna do a touristy thing, though. I would feel silly because I am from the state of Maine, which is overrun by tourists during the summer, so sneering at tourists is in my blood. Running around ACTING like one is too ridiculous to contemplate, not least because I know better than most how natives generally view them. *g*

QaF was, sheerly by dint of timing, the first British drama I ever saw in its entirety. I knew better than to think that ALL British TV was like that, of course, but seeing something so explicit that had actually aired on television somewhere (I don't think, in 1997, they could have quite gotten away with it even on the premium US channels that show things like Dexter now) definitely opened my eyes to the fact that British TV was far more relaxed than American and thus could tell a wider range of stories. Considering how immersed I am in British entertainment these days, I'd have to call that a life-changing moment, if on a rather smaller scale.

However I'm guessing "the weather" is not one of them. ;) I don't think we can boast much countryside as beautiful as Maine either, but that may just be familiarity talking.

so sneering at tourists is in my blood

I'm from Devon. Similar set-up. Also, I used to have a lot of fun times being harrassed by cow-people from Ohio wanting to know a) where the Mayflower Steps were and b) why there wasn't a huge fanfare around them, and they didn't like "because this is a working harbour and people are still using them GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE" very much.

A pretty good life-changing moment all the same. The weird thing is, I tend to prefer American dramas at the moment - well, usually HBO/BBC co-operations - because ours have been a bit ... weak. And it's always the lighting you notice first. I swear to all the gods you can tell who produced a program by how it's lit.

However I'm guessing "the weather" is not one of them. ;)

Sometimes I think almost anything except perhaps Antarctica would be an improvement over Maine weather, I swear. Steamy and miserable in the summer and freezing cold with tons of snow in the winter. The only time the weather is consistently nice is in early spring before it gets hot and early fall before it gets cold. Otherwise it's a crapshoot. But then, there's no place on earth with perfect weather. I'd always find something to love and something to whine about.

People actually come up to Maine in the fall just to look at the foliage. I'm like, "What, the leaves don't change color where you come from?" It's beautiful up here and all, but I'm used to it. Anything that looked different would be gorgeous to my eyes. I took a bus up to Canada a few years ago to visit a friend, and once we hit New Brunswick I couldn't stop staring out the window, because it was so different and beautiful.

Well, of course, they only send the good shows across the oceans, people only share the good stuff online - you and I are spared enduring the dross because it doesn't get to us. For every good American show, there are twenty shitty ones, and I would imagine the numbers are about the same on your end.

I have heard tell of your mentalist winters. Admittedly I heard tell from the "Bird" books, but given the level of detail John Connolly goes in for I'd kind of assumed they were reasonably accurate. As someone who freaks out and hides from half an inch of snow I think I might possibly *die* in Maine. INSIDE a fully-heated hotel.

What, the leaves don't change color where you come from?

Not the way they do where you are. ;) Seeing footage of the seasons changing on Planet Earth was unbelievable - here they just go mud-coloured and fall off in the space of a few days. I'm kind of happy with the seasons at the moment, though. Spring looks nice on my road, all those golden-green chestnut leaves coming out, and the daffodils.

For every good American show, there are twenty shitty ones, and I would imagine the numbers are about the same on your end.

Very much so. And hey, at least you're spared Celebrity Love Island and garbage like that. And people seem to enjoy a lot of the stuff I think is awful, like Dragons' Den and bloody Eastenders, so ... proportions are subjective, I suppose. That and I'm *picky*.

You would die in Maine. The winter we've had has been ridiculous. My college has had like five snow days this semester, and we don't really do snow days lightly in Maine. I don't drive, and I've spent more of my time this winter trying not to slip and kill myself, or not get my sneakers and jeans drenched (I'm not bright enough to just buy some freaking boots), in all the ice and snow and slush on the sidewalks. It's been nicer lately, with most of the snow gone - in my area, at least - and today I'm walking around in a t-shirt. But it's only April, so we'll get at least one more snowstorm. There is a saying about Maine weather: If you don't like it, just wait five minutes. It exists for a reason.

That and I'm *picky*.

God, me too. There are some quite popular shows that I can't stand because they SUCK. I demand quality, intelligent entertainment.

. . . so why the fuck do we watch Torchwood again?

There is a saying about Maine weather: If you don't like it, just wait five minutes.

I'm pretty sure the same could be said of British weather now, although obviously to a much milder extent. The other week we managed five seasons in one afternoon. I'm pretty sure it wasn't *always* this insane. Then I remember the terrifying nonsense weather conditions of my childhood. Whatever happened to stable climates?

There is a saying about Maine weather: If you don't like it, just wait five minutes.

YES. Pretty much anything my boyfriend usually watches, for one. And ... well, I make a lot of enemies by not liking SPN or Buffy. I know there's nothing wrong with either, I just have terminal vampire allergy (and yet loved Being Human), and apparently this is tantamount to treason in some circles.

. . . so why the fuck do we watch Torchwood again?

Ianto is hot. :D

Whatever happened to stable climates?

I don't think those exist. Either that or we seriously live in the wrong places. But I think I'd prefer Maine's weird variety to getting stuck in stable weather that I hate. You wouldn't catch me living in Florida for example. Excessive heat is BAD.

SPN only has like three vampire episodes, which I'm sure does not affect your disinterest in the least, but I felt the need to bring it up. Fan reflex, you understand. *g* I'm more than happy to enable people if I can (I've spent the last week uploading second season Dexter because a friend wants to try it and already had a source for the first season), but getting shirty about it is silly.

I think I just got sucked in by all the many levels of pretty, and by the time I realized the show was crap, it was too late.

Heat I can cope with. Humidity, on the other hand, gives me the rage. Florida would not be my friend.

*g* I understand. I think I fell by the wayside on that one (I wish I hadn't, because INCEST and ROADTRIPS and all these other things I love) because the person who tried to convert me showed me a REALLY AWFUL episode to begin with (there was an exorcism on a plane), and because I am the only person in the known universe who doesn't find Jensen Ackles attractive. ;)

I am the only person in the known universe who doesn't find Jensen Ackles attractive.

No, you're not. There are two of us! Though admittedly I'm not attracted to men as a general rule (with Jeffrey Dean Morgan proving the sole exception thus far, mm), so I may not count. (Don't ask about the slash thing. I don't know.)

GOD, first episodes are SO IMPORTANT. SPN is one of those rare shows with a perfectly good pilot, you could start at the beginning (if you ignored the shitty second episode), but with a lot of shows, you have to be very careful which episodes you choose to try and convert someone. There is a REASON why I didn't start Mom and sister off with "Rose" this weekend when I showed them Doctor Who.

Though admittedly I'm not attracted to men as a general rule (with Jeffrey Dean Morgan proving the sole exception thus far

... wow, you're the second person I've spoken to who makes that particular exception! :D Clearly there is something in him that speaks to a particular demographic. I rather like him, it has to be said.

There is a REASON why I didn't start Mom and sister off with "Rose" this weekend when I showed them Doctor Who.

What did you start them off with? I think my first ever episode was one of the Troughton episodes - the first one I have any clear memories of is The Mind Robber (http://www.bbc.co.uk/doctorwho/classic/episodeguide/mindrobber/), but I know I was being terrified by Daleks before that ...

... wow, you're the second person I've spoken to who makes that particular exception! :D

That surprises me not at all. He's so very charming without making you think, "Wow, he's charming!" It took me a little while to even consciously notice it, because he's so casual with it. That, plus good-looking, plus that voice, made me sit up and think, Oh, so THIS is what it's like to be attracted to a man! I thought I was straight for a long time, but JDM proved single-handedly that all my so-called crushes definitely weren't. I do, however, know what my type would be if I were straight, and Jensen Ackles? Not so much. (See also: Barrowman, John. An informal sampling of the internet leaves me with the impression that I am the only person who would not switch teams for him. The pretty-boy thing just leaves me COLD.)

I started them (http://catslash.livejournal.com/369229.html) where I started, the "Empty Child" two-parter. Then I capped it off with "Blink," because Mom got me a "the angels have the phonebox" t-shirt for Christmas without having the slightest idea why I wanted it, and I promised I'd show her.

. . . Chelsea fell asleep, but Mom had a good time. Plus she thought David Tennant was cute, which I am not above exploiting if I get another chance.

Aww, while I love John to bits I cannot imagine ever having sex with him. He's too ... not pretty, necessarily, but there's something about his face that makes him hyperbland. Or at least there was ten years ago. Now he's just sort of ... turning into a frogmonkey.

Mom got me a "the angels have the phonebox" t-shirt for Christmas without having the slightest idea why I wanted it, and I promised I'd show her.

You win at Christmas, right there. I didn't even know such a thing existed!

HE LOOKS LIKE A KEN DOLL. I absolutely agree with your assessment of bland, and may I throw vaguely cheesy into the mix? Combine the toothpaste commercial smile with the chinbutt and it's like he was specifically engineered to be as conventionally attractive as is humanly possible. BORING. Burn Gorman's more unique looks are much more interesting to my eyes.

Dude, go to Cafe Press and run a search. There are like a billion designs. EVERYONE wanted one of those after "Blink."

Heheh. I ought to be defending him, but I can't be arsed to. He thinks very highly of his own looks, and that's quite enough. Personally I'm a much bigger fan of GDL's overbite, chubby chin and chest pubes/Kai Owen's generally simian and average good looks. John *does* look like he was manufactured. He needs a scar or some uneven teeth or something.

*g* Oh, unofficial ones? Groovy. In that case I shall make my own!

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