Cathryn (formerly catslash) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
remindmeofthe) wrote2003-06-28 11:47 pm
remindmeofthe) wrote2003-06-28 11:47 pm
(no subject)
First off, welcome to my Friends List, ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
mylockedheart. I dunno who you are or how you found me, but since you have not only "gilderoy lockhart," "kenneth branagh," "hamlet," and "slash" on your interests list, but ALSO "snape/lockhart," which just happens to be my HP OTP, you are definitely my favourite person I have never met. In fact, I suspect you may be me. And if we have met, please enlighten me. =) *goes to add "snape/lockhart" to her own list*
So last week,j_crew_guy promised me a copy of The Hole, which is a gay porn parody of The Ring. The premise is that, rather than killing you, the tape makes you gay.
Boy's not one to sit around on his hands. (Thaaaaaankyou, Charles!) I got my tape today and watched it tonight.
Gotta admit, I was a little nervous putting the tape in. See, the idea of wanting to see it in the first place - well, other than the fact thatj_crew_guy's entry about it made it sound really damn funny - was in hopes that it might serve as an antidote to my lingering unease about The Ring. 'Cos y'all? That movie fucked me up. I shall now copy and paste the explanation I gave to Anji over AIM: "No matter how scared I get, I don't lose sleep. Or, I didn't before last November. The Ring kept me up until five in the morning, and I have lost countless hours to it since. Also, I saw it the day before Chamber of Secrets came out, which means that to this day, the jumpy bits make me jump a little higher than they should." Which actually made CoS even more fun, because I was running on two hours of sleep and plenty of caffeine, but I digress. I'll confess that I scare easily (why I saw the damn movie in the first place is a long story) which probably made it worse on myself.
Anyway. I was afraid that watching The Hole might backfire; what if it was too close a parody? I might never recover. Combine that with the fact that I'd never actually watched porn before and my only idea of what to expect was from what you tend to hear about porn, and I pretty much was running on blind faith when I put that sucker in.
All that set-up, and I don't even know where to start. I don't know how to critique a porn movie. My usual targets - acting and plot - are impervious. In fact, I don't know why they tried to have a plot. I kept making the mistake of following it. Rookie error, I'm sure. So, I guess it's gonna have to be the "mentioning random details" approach.
* Why did they keep emphasizing that Benji was Swedish? Is this some sort of porn in-joke that I don't get? Or were they afraid we'd forget that he had an accent?
* Hooray! Finally, a movie where it just doesn't matter that I can't remember what anyone looks like and so can tell no one apart!
* Because I am a dork, I paused to check out the other videos on the shelf that Benji grabs The video from. On one side of the video: An unopened copy of Boys Don't Cry, still in its shrinkwrap. On the other side, a copy of Velvet Goldmine that looks as though it has been, uh, viewed once or twice. Well, I was amused.
* The video is the best. It's incredibly short and has all these images that are intended to make sense later. These images include a fish. Just, y'know, a fish. Laying on gravel. It's not a gay fish or anything. It's just a fish. It was so random I almost missed it. Then I almost fell off my bed laughing.
* The moment where the guys figure out what the Hole (which looks like the Ring, except more clumsily drawn) symbolizes. Since I'm a girl I was still thinking with the brain in my skull, so all I could do was say, "Oh, really?"
* Eventually, all the images are explained except the fish. So the two guys decide that the fish was a "red herring." And that was the end of that. Good thing there wasn't much plot left or I might have missed it for laughing. If only I had known that gay porn could be so rich a source of bad puns!
I no longer fear the Ring. For I wield the power of the FIIIIISH!
Hmm. I might be a bit punchy now.
Fish.
fish
mylockedheart. I dunno who you are or how you found me, but since you have not only "gilderoy lockhart," "kenneth branagh," "hamlet," and "slash" on your interests list, but ALSO "snape/lockhart," which just happens to be my HP OTP, you are definitely my favourite person I have never met. In fact, I suspect you may be me. And if we have met, please enlighten me. =) *goes to add "snape/lockhart" to her own list*So last week,
j_crew_guy promised me a copy of The Hole, which is a gay porn parody of The Ring. The premise is that, rather than killing you, the tape makes you gay.Boy's not one to sit around on his hands. (Thaaaaaankyou, Charles!) I got my tape today and watched it tonight.
Gotta admit, I was a little nervous putting the tape in. See, the idea of wanting to see it in the first place - well, other than the fact that
j_crew_guy's entry about it made it sound really damn funny - was in hopes that it might serve as an antidote to my lingering unease about The Ring. 'Cos y'all? That movie fucked me up. I shall now copy and paste the explanation I gave to Anji over AIM: "No matter how scared I get, I don't lose sleep. Or, I didn't before last November. The Ring kept me up until five in the morning, and I have lost countless hours to it since. Also, I saw it the day before Chamber of Secrets came out, which means that to this day, the jumpy bits make me jump a little higher than they should." Which actually made CoS even more fun, because I was running on two hours of sleep and plenty of caffeine, but I digress. I'll confess that I scare easily (why I saw the damn movie in the first place is a long story) which probably made it worse on myself.Anyway. I was afraid that watching The Hole might backfire; what if it was too close a parody? I might never recover. Combine that with the fact that I'd never actually watched porn before and my only idea of what to expect was from what you tend to hear about porn, and I pretty much was running on blind faith when I put that sucker in.
All that set-up, and I don't even know where to start. I don't know how to critique a porn movie. My usual targets - acting and plot - are impervious. In fact, I don't know why they tried to have a plot. I kept making the mistake of following it. Rookie error, I'm sure. So, I guess it's gonna have to be the "mentioning random details" approach.
* Why did they keep emphasizing that Benji was Swedish? Is this some sort of porn in-joke that I don't get? Or were they afraid we'd forget that he had an accent?
* Hooray! Finally, a movie where it just doesn't matter that I can't remember what anyone looks like and so can tell no one apart!
* Because I am a dork, I paused to check out the other videos on the shelf that Benji grabs The video from. On one side of the video: An unopened copy of Boys Don't Cry, still in its shrinkwrap. On the other side, a copy of Velvet Goldmine that looks as though it has been, uh, viewed once or twice. Well, I was amused.
* The video is the best. It's incredibly short and has all these images that are intended to make sense later. These images include a fish. Just, y'know, a fish. Laying on gravel. It's not a gay fish or anything. It's just a fish. It was so random I almost missed it. Then I almost fell off my bed laughing.
* The moment where the guys figure out what the Hole (which looks like the Ring, except more clumsily drawn) symbolizes. Since I'm a girl I was still thinking with the brain in my skull, so all I could do was say, "Oh, really?"
* Eventually, all the images are explained except the fish. So the two guys decide that the fish was a "red herring." And that was the end of that. Good thing there wasn't much plot left or I might have missed it for laughing. If only I had known that gay porn could be so rich a source of bad puns!
I no longer fear the Ring. For I wield the power of the FIIIIISH!
Hmm. I might be a bit punchy now.
Fish.
fish
no subject
Oh, and speaking as someone who was rather freaked out by the Ring as well... I think that parody would cure me too^ ^
no subject
Speaking of Kenneth icons, yours is - I believe the term is GUH. That picture is gorgeous indeed. As for mine, the image is actually one I originally made for a pin. Hence the cut-off corners, as I am far too lazy to simply remake it for icon purposes. Practically nobody gets the joke, but I don't care, I love it anyway. *g*
no subject
no subject
Gilderoy's been my favourite HP character for about three years now. I was so nervous about the CoS movie - I was afraid it would go completely overboard and present Gil as this cartoonish, ridiculous buffoon. (And if they had cast Hugh frigging Grant like they'd been threatening to, I would have been right.) Kenneth's being cast did not ease my fears either, as I only knew him from the required-by-law viewing of Hamlet in high school and was quite doubtful that "the Hamlet guy" could play my beloved Gilderoy. (I didn't know about Grant until after the fact, otherwise I think I would have just been relieved that Gilderoy escaped such a fate.) I don't think I've ever been so happy to be wrong. And after I decided that this Branagh fellow (in spite of his not being quite physically right for the part) had done well by Gilderoy, I sought out some of his other work. *looks at the collection of Kenneth movies she's amassed* And the rest is fangirl history.
And by the way? So nice to discover fellow Gilderoy fans. Aside from a friend of mine, I felt like I was the only one for years.
no subject
And yes, I know what you mean about Gilderoy-I was just thrilled to see how well Branagh played him. And yes, he might not be physically right...but who cares? He's still drop dead gorgeous in the duel scene^ ^
no subject
And if it isn't too much trouble to send those screencaps along, I'd love to have them. May I use them in icons and such (giving credit, of course)?
no subject
Apparently...
(Anonymous) 2003-06-29 06:09 pm (UTC)(link)no subject
And what a great review.
Fish.