Cathryn (formerly catslash) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
remindmeofthe) wrote2003-06-28 11:47 pm
remindmeofthe) wrote2003-06-28 11:47 pm
(no subject)
First off, welcome to my Friends List, ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
mylockedheart. I dunno who you are or how you found me, but since you have not only "gilderoy lockhart," "kenneth branagh," "hamlet," and "slash" on your interests list, but ALSO "snape/lockhart," which just happens to be my HP OTP, you are definitely my favourite person I have never met. In fact, I suspect you may be me. And if we have met, please enlighten me. =) *goes to add "snape/lockhart" to her own list*
So last week,j_crew_guy promised me a copy of The Hole, which is a gay porn parody of The Ring. The premise is that, rather than killing you, the tape makes you gay.
Boy's not one to sit around on his hands. (Thaaaaaankyou, Charles!) I got my tape today and watched it tonight.
Gotta admit, I was a little nervous putting the tape in. See, the idea of wanting to see it in the first place - well, other than the fact thatj_crew_guy's entry about it made it sound really damn funny - was in hopes that it might serve as an antidote to my lingering unease about The Ring. 'Cos y'all? That movie fucked me up. I shall now copy and paste the explanation I gave to Anji over AIM: "No matter how scared I get, I don't lose sleep. Or, I didn't before last November. The Ring kept me up until five in the morning, and I have lost countless hours to it since. Also, I saw it the day before Chamber of Secrets came out, which means that to this day, the jumpy bits make me jump a little higher than they should." Which actually made CoS even more fun, because I was running on two hours of sleep and plenty of caffeine, but I digress. I'll confess that I scare easily (why I saw the damn movie in the first place is a long story) which probably made it worse on myself.
Anyway. I was afraid that watching The Hole might backfire; what if it was too close a parody? I might never recover. Combine that with the fact that I'd never actually watched porn before and my only idea of what to expect was from what you tend to hear about porn, and I pretty much was running on blind faith when I put that sucker in.
All that set-up, and I don't even know where to start. I don't know how to critique a porn movie. My usual targets - acting and plot - are impervious. In fact, I don't know why they tried to have a plot. I kept making the mistake of following it. Rookie error, I'm sure. So, I guess it's gonna have to be the "mentioning random details" approach.
* Why did they keep emphasizing that Benji was Swedish? Is this some sort of porn in-joke that I don't get? Or were they afraid we'd forget that he had an accent?
* Hooray! Finally, a movie where it just doesn't matter that I can't remember what anyone looks like and so can tell no one apart!
* Because I am a dork, I paused to check out the other videos on the shelf that Benji grabs The video from. On one side of the video: An unopened copy of Boys Don't Cry, still in its shrinkwrap. On the other side, a copy of Velvet Goldmine that looks as though it has been, uh, viewed once or twice. Well, I was amused.
* The video is the best. It's incredibly short and has all these images that are intended to make sense later. These images include a fish. Just, y'know, a fish. Laying on gravel. It's not a gay fish or anything. It's just a fish. It was so random I almost missed it. Then I almost fell off my bed laughing.
* The moment where the guys figure out what the Hole (which looks like the Ring, except more clumsily drawn) symbolizes. Since I'm a girl I was still thinking with the brain in my skull, so all I could do was say, "Oh, really?"
* Eventually, all the images are explained except the fish. So the two guys decide that the fish was a "red herring." And that was the end of that. Good thing there wasn't much plot left or I might have missed it for laughing. If only I had known that gay porn could be so rich a source of bad puns!
I no longer fear the Ring. For I wield the power of the FIIIIISH!
Hmm. I might be a bit punchy now.
Fish.
fish
mylockedheart. I dunno who you are or how you found me, but since you have not only "gilderoy lockhart," "kenneth branagh," "hamlet," and "slash" on your interests list, but ALSO "snape/lockhart," which just happens to be my HP OTP, you are definitely my favourite person I have never met. In fact, I suspect you may be me. And if we have met, please enlighten me. =) *goes to add "snape/lockhart" to her own list*So last week,
j_crew_guy promised me a copy of The Hole, which is a gay porn parody of The Ring. The premise is that, rather than killing you, the tape makes you gay.Boy's not one to sit around on his hands. (Thaaaaaankyou, Charles!) I got my tape today and watched it tonight.
Gotta admit, I was a little nervous putting the tape in. See, the idea of wanting to see it in the first place - well, other than the fact that
j_crew_guy's entry about it made it sound really damn funny - was in hopes that it might serve as an antidote to my lingering unease about The Ring. 'Cos y'all? That movie fucked me up. I shall now copy and paste the explanation I gave to Anji over AIM: "No matter how scared I get, I don't lose sleep. Or, I didn't before last November. The Ring kept me up until five in the morning, and I have lost countless hours to it since. Also, I saw it the day before Chamber of Secrets came out, which means that to this day, the jumpy bits make me jump a little higher than they should." Which actually made CoS even more fun, because I was running on two hours of sleep and plenty of caffeine, but I digress. I'll confess that I scare easily (why I saw the damn movie in the first place is a long story) which probably made it worse on myself.Anyway. I was afraid that watching The Hole might backfire; what if it was too close a parody? I might never recover. Combine that with the fact that I'd never actually watched porn before and my only idea of what to expect was from what you tend to hear about porn, and I pretty much was running on blind faith when I put that sucker in.
All that set-up, and I don't even know where to start. I don't know how to critique a porn movie. My usual targets - acting and plot - are impervious. In fact, I don't know why they tried to have a plot. I kept making the mistake of following it. Rookie error, I'm sure. So, I guess it's gonna have to be the "mentioning random details" approach.
* Why did they keep emphasizing that Benji was Swedish? Is this some sort of porn in-joke that I don't get? Or were they afraid we'd forget that he had an accent?
* Hooray! Finally, a movie where it just doesn't matter that I can't remember what anyone looks like and so can tell no one apart!
* Because I am a dork, I paused to check out the other videos on the shelf that Benji grabs The video from. On one side of the video: An unopened copy of Boys Don't Cry, still in its shrinkwrap. On the other side, a copy of Velvet Goldmine that looks as though it has been, uh, viewed once or twice. Well, I was amused.
* The video is the best. It's incredibly short and has all these images that are intended to make sense later. These images include a fish. Just, y'know, a fish. Laying on gravel. It's not a gay fish or anything. It's just a fish. It was so random I almost missed it. Then I almost fell off my bed laughing.
* The moment where the guys figure out what the Hole (which looks like the Ring, except more clumsily drawn) symbolizes. Since I'm a girl I was still thinking with the brain in my skull, so all I could do was say, "Oh, really?"
* Eventually, all the images are explained except the fish. So the two guys decide that the fish was a "red herring." And that was the end of that. Good thing there wasn't much plot left or I might have missed it for laughing. If only I had known that gay porn could be so rich a source of bad puns!
I no longer fear the Ring. For I wield the power of the FIIIIISH!
Hmm. I might be a bit punchy now.
Fish.
fish