remindmeofthe | (no subject)

So hey. I haven't posted in a long time. I'm more active these days on tumblr and at Plurk (remindmeofthe at both). But a while back, I posted a desperate plea for help, and a lot of people responded, so the LEAST I can do is update you all on my situation now that it's finally settled.

I ended up living at home for a while, which was about as stressful as I'd feared it would be and didn't do much to help the suicidal ideation. I did, however, during that time, get back on my antidepressants, finally get a job, and resumed therapy, so at the beginning of July, I escaped alive with brighter prospects. ("Escaped" is kind of melodramatic, I know; my mother isn't actively abusive, but her perspective on how depression works and her own problems with stressful issues in her life made moving out feel an awful lot like an escape. I love her and she loves me. We just need to not live together ever.) From there, I spent a month and a half on my sister's couch while I searched for a place to live, which finally FINALLY came together last week.

My situation isn't perfect; I'm job searching again because the hours at work have been cut so severely that I'm already worried about October's rent. But it's so much better, and the help I got from everyone, both emotional and financial - I credit you all with helping to keep me alive, frankly.

Today I was sitting in the library, checking my email, and there was a young pregnant woman near me calling around for help with her own situation. She has no income, she's in danger of losing her apartment, and just to add insult to injury, the place she's been getting her bus passes from has changed the system and now she's facing having to do a lot more walking everywhere, despite her pregnancy. I wasn't actively listening, but you know how it is; I couldn't help hearing. I had just made a deposit at my bank next door and was in better shape financially than I'd expected. Not great shape, I'm still going to be eating a lot of pasta and rice in the next couple of weeks, but better shape. Certainly better shape than this young woman. And I thought of all of you, and how you'd reached out when I needed it, and how knowing you cared helped every bit as much as the money you gave, and I went back to my bank and made a small withdrawal. I gave that money to her, just enough to cover ten bus rides, knowing from my own experience that the kindness of the gesture would give her a boost just as much as the money would.

I'm not telling you this to brag, but as a way of saying thank you. You saved me, and it's important to me to be able to pay that forward, because we all need to look out for each other when we can.

I'm not sure how much I'll be using this journal anymore. I reblog a lot on tumblr and I Plurk pretty regularly, so you can keep up with me there. I do still read my flircle on a regular basis, even if I don't comment much these days.