Cathryn (formerly catslash) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
remindmeofthe) wrote2013-12-31 08:55 pm
remindmeofthe) wrote2013-12-31 08:55 pm
Entry tags:
so here's the sitch, my circle
I've been drinking, which only means that I have enough courage to tell someone about my situation.
The place I'm living in wants me out. I have a week. I am looking at homelessness.
Why homelessness? Most of my immediate family hasn't got space for another person. The only one who has space is my mother.
Over Christmas, Mom and I had a fight. It wasn't much of a fight, short and small, but it made it clear that she doesn't think my depression is important. Assuming that she would let me live with her? I think I would kill myself within a month. Not because she doesn't love me. She does. But she has had so much fucked up shit to deal with herself this year that I don't think she can handle my shit on top of hers.
So. My depression is bad. But not, in my fucked FUCKED opinion, bad enough. I don't want to die. I don't want to kill myself. It would be easier if I did. Then I could just do it and be over with. That would be nice. But I don't think it's going to happen.
But I still need so much help. I don't even know what I'm asking for. If you want to donate money, I'll give you my PayPal info. If you are a goddamn saint and willing to give me a place to live for an indefinite period while I try to get my shit together - well, you probably don't exist, but if you do, PM me and we can talk.
I'm broke and fucked and scared and I don't want to die but I don't know if I have any other option and help me? Please?
The place I'm living in wants me out. I have a week. I am looking at homelessness.
Why homelessness? Most of my immediate family hasn't got space for another person. The only one who has space is my mother.
Over Christmas, Mom and I had a fight. It wasn't much of a fight, short and small, but it made it clear that she doesn't think my depression is important. Assuming that she would let me live with her? I think I would kill myself within a month. Not because she doesn't love me. She does. But she has had so much fucked up shit to deal with herself this year that I don't think she can handle my shit on top of hers.
So. My depression is bad. But not, in my fucked FUCKED opinion, bad enough. I don't want to die. I don't want to kill myself. It would be easier if I did. Then I could just do it and be over with. That would be nice. But I don't think it's going to happen.
But I still need so much help. I don't even know what I'm asking for. If you want to donate money, I'll give you my PayPal info. If you are a goddamn saint and willing to give me a place to live for an indefinite period while I try to get my shit together - well, you probably don't exist, but if you do, PM me and we can talk.
I'm broke and fucked and scared and I don't want to die but I don't know if I have any other option and help me? Please?
no subject
Adding on to the rest: there are other options besides death. I want you to know that, and to know also that you are loved and would be missed if you died. Please don't.
If you want to bounce ideas or just start talking and/or trying to work through some options for getting from where you are to a better place, I'm here, and I am certain I'm not the only one. The Internets are a powerful place, and there are resources out there that can help. We can help you find them.
Much love.