warning for discussion of suicidal ideation BUT I'm better now

[remindmeofthe]

SO HI.

Back in, um, April (oops) I made a couple of posts indicating pretty clearly that my state of mind had not been quite right for some time. I have since then chatted with a lot of you on AIM and and followed you on Tumblr (yeah, whatever, same name, I just reblog random fandom stuff), but definitely not all of you. Soooo some of you might appreciate receiving the following update:

After I lost my shit, I had to face up to the fact that I had been suffering from depression for quite awhile and totally ignoring/not seeing it. Having had what I guess was a mini-nervous breakdown scared me into realizing that I had to do something before the suicidal feelings went further than just being feelings. So I dealt with some red tape that had been keeping me from seeing my therapist and started seeing her again. She put me on antidepressants, and omg, did you know that life isn't actually supposed to be a hopeless mire that everyone else is better at handling than I am so clearly I should just give up? I KNOW! It's like a miracle.

So my situation is not perfect right now (unemployment no income no qualifying for food stamps on account of being a full-time student ARGH), but neither am I in a place anymore where death seems like a viable option. And I'm not going back there any time soon.

And maybe now I'll start posting occasionally again. I've had things I've wanted to post but then I would be like "no I should probably post to explain all that stuff first but I don't want to right now" but now that's taken care of so - yep.

(Did I mention my therapist also put me on Ritalin for my ADD in place of the Adderall I can no longer afford? And it's even more effective? And it does exactly what you'd expect a stimulant to do within the first hour or so of taking a dose? WHEEEEEE.)

Comments

[misslucyjane]

I'm glad to see you're taking care of yourself and doing better. *hugs*

[remindmeofthe]

*hugs* Thank you.

[innerbrat]

♥

[remindmeofthe]

♥!

[ceitfianna]

*hugs* Glad you're doing better.

[remindmeofthe]

*hugs* Thank you.

[adiva_calandia]

YAY. <333

[remindmeofthe]

YEAH TELL ME. ♥

[dynastessa]

I am so glad to hear this. <33

[remindmeofthe]

♥ So was I.

[lienne]

omg, did you know that life isn't actually supposed to be a hopeless mire that everyone else is better at handling than I am so clearly I should just give up?

I keep hearing that!

*snuggles*

[remindmeofthe]

*cuddles* It's like some kind of crazy revelation.

[ladysingsthe]

Good for you. I'm so happy you got to a place where you could take those steps.

[remindmeofthe]

Thank you! So am I. Not finding the very act of existing to be exhausting is so pleasant.

[vivien]

Oof, I have thought about you a lot! I have had my own past few months down the vortex of doom, though, so I haven't kept up. I am SO glad you're feeling better.

[remindmeofthe]

Stupid vortex of doom. I hope you're conquering yours, too. *hugs*