remindmeofthe | "Errands," G, gen, ABOFAL/Torchwood crossover

notatracer convinced me to post this around a little. (Uh, not that she had to work all that hard.) So, here's the polished final draft for communities.

TITLE: "Errands"
AUTHOR:

catslash (Cathryn)
FANDOM: ABOFAL (Control and Tony)/Torchwood crossover
PAIRING: None; genfic.
RATING: A harmless G.
WORD COUNT: 540
WARNINGS: Crack!
SUMMARY: Captain Jack Harkness is dispatched to London for a meeting with the Head of British Intelligence. He's in for a bit of a surprise.
DISCLAIMER: Boffle and Torchwood are definitely not mine. I take no credit and make no money.
NOTES: I've been writing a lot of crossovers. Something was bound to go haywire in my brain eventually. This takes place post-"telescupe" for Boffle and at some point prior to Jack's taking over Torchwood Three for Torchwood.

"Captain Harkness." His contact greeted him with a smile, rising to shake his hand. "How delightful to meet you. Do sit down. Did you have a pleasant journey?"

"Yes." Jack flashed a smile of his own, sitting in the chair provided by Control, as he was apparently known. "Thank you."

"All the way from Cardiff, I understand. I do appreciate your taking the time. It's very kind of you."

Jack paused to flick a doubtful glance at Control. The man still wore a small, genial smile and looked as though he believed, with utmost sincerity, that Jack was very kind indeed. "Right," he said. "Well, I go where they send me. You know how it is. Didn't have any trouble finding the place, anyway," he added lightly.

"No? Oh, good. That is good to hear. People do, you know."

"- do?" Jack asked blankly.

"Have trouble finding us, Captain Harkness," Control supplied helpfully. "It's all very well and good with enemy agents, but it's not much use having a secret service if even your own people can't find you."

"I, uh, suppose not," Jack conceded. "But the, uh, the sign - I mean, we're not the only ones who can read English."

"No, I would imagine not," Control agreed. "It's quite widely taught these days. It's even an educational requirement in some countries."

Jack waited, but no further explanation was incoming. He had the distinct feeling he should leave it alone, just stop playing along and move on to the matter at hand, but he couldn't resist.

"So, doesn't a great big sign saying 'British Secret Service' kind of give you away?"

Control just looked at him for a moment, then, "Oh, yes. Yes, I believe I see what you're saying. You think perhaps the sign has proven helpful to enemy agents as well."

So that was how it was going to be. "It crossed my mind," Jack said. Control nodded earnestly.

"Yes, well, I won't deny they've found us a time or two. I've even been under enemy surveillance."

"What did you do?" Jack asked, because there was nothing for it now except to let this thing play out to its conclusion. And he really did kind of want to know the answer.

"I asked him not to."

"You . . . asked him not to." Jack stared, waiting for Control to crack and start laughing, or at least smirking. But the polite, benign smile stayed firmly in place.

"I asked him not to," Control confirmed.

"And that worked?" Jack asked disbelievingly.

"It did," said Control. He spoke with no irony whatsoever, and that was when Jack knew without a doubt that this was not a prank. Oh my god.

Still, though, he had to ask. ". . . are you sure?"

"Oh, yes," Control said. "Enemy agents understand just as well as we do that you don't get anywhere in life by being rude."

"Huh," Jack said. He was beginning to understand why Torchwood One had been so quick to delegate this one. He sank back into his chair a little, resisting the urge to rub his temples. This was going to be a very long meeting.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

LOLOLOL. I barely understand this, but a Baffled!Jack is a hilarious Jack. And I APPROVE.

Jack baffled is always good!

Here (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ltJ4mqYIr-E) is the sketch mentioned. And here (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UGMD8cL6IjE) is another one with the same characters and it is probably my favorite.

Hahahahahaha! Oh, wow, Control and Jack. I can't even... the mind boggles. And yet this makes disturbingly perfect sense. Brilliant. I would love to see Ianto and Tony talking about coffee!

Yes! They could compare notes. It would take hours. I can't believe I didn't think of that. Not that it would have come up here, but still. *g*

I'm glad you got a laugh out of this. Thanks for commenting!

Thanks!

lolol fabulous!

Thank you!

I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw that you'd written a ABOFAL/Torchwood crossover!

Anyway, this is so what would happen in Jack ever met Control... It's brilliant!

Thanks! I've been wanting to write this for a couple weeks, ever since it first popped into my head, but it took a while to come up with something that didn't get very tedious very quickly. I'm glad you liked!

I can totally hear Stephen's stilted "Control" voice in my head. this was brilliant.

Thanks! I watched, like, four of the Control and Tony sketches yesterday while writing and revising, which helped make the dialogue easier. Bad dialogue isn't as easy as it looks. XD

My roomie has a big crush on Stephen like I have on Hugh. I think it's pretty cute because he is a tall chunky gay dude who looks a little like Stephen did when he had the beard in the Elizabethan Blackadders.

'Now Tony, you run along and get a nice cup of coffee and we'll pretend this whole ugly incident never happened.'

*has just been watching telescupe again, and oh boy is it even funnier!*

This was great! Hooray for crossovers, and for the delectable Mr Harkness *sigh*

Crossovers are ridiculously addictive. It's hard to stop once you get started.

Lie-detector is still my favorite sketch, but I think telescupe is a close second. And, as we have demonstrated, it's fun to play with. XD

Thank you for commenting!

*gigglefit* Oh that's perfect.

*bows* Why, thank you! :D

OMg! I'm writing my first ever fic right now, House/Torchwood, with a more fanficlit experienced buddy... and I... oh my gosh, there aren't words for your "crack" bit... it never occured to me, Control/Capt. Jack! Perfect! Well done!

Thanks! I'm happy you liked it. Good luck with your fic! House/Torchwood is always fun. :D

*beams*

2 of my favorite things in the world.

Wow, loved it!

:D I'm glad you liked. It was a thing I knew had to happen as soon as I thought of it. Thanks for commenting!

How i just found this...i'll never understand.

All i know is my eyes saw ABOFAL/Torchwood, and my brain melted.

Then i read, and my body melted in joy.

Can i just say...your Control voice is absolutely...wow. Amazing. Perfect.

Jack was a bit off guard by this. Poor guy didn't have a flirt in edgewise..

*Back to Hub*

J: So from now on, what do we do in lieu of alien invasion?

Team: *disbelieving and doubting Jack's sanity*: ...ask them to leave...

J: *beam*

HA! That quite literally made me laugh out loud when I read it. Great mental image.

I'm happy you liked this so much. I believe I'd just watched a couple of sketches earlier, so Control's voice was fresh in my head when I wrote it. It was a lot of fun to write.

Thanks for the comment! And for telling your friend(s). *g*

jabber_moose directed me over here, and she's right - this is amazing.

Absolutely hilarious, and perfectly in character. Wonderful!

Thank you! It was a crossover so cracky it had to be done. XD Thanks for commenting.

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Thank you! It was fun to write. I'm glad that came through in the final version. Thanks for the comment!

"Errands," G, gen, ABOFAL/Torchwood crossover

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