Fully informed, enthusiastic consent is not a concept that is generally well-understood in our culture. It's exactly what it says on the tin: A consenting person is a person who is clear about what they are agreeing to and actively wants to do it.
A consenting person cannot be: intoxicated; deeply emotionally distraught; too young; on the wrong side of a major power imbalance; other stuff I am probably forgetting. A person who is intoxicated or otherwise unable to think clearly cannot make healthy decisions. (Example from the show: Serena at the wedding where she had sex with Nate. It is made clear over and over that she would never, ever have done it sober, but the event is so intensely romanticized and eroticized that it took me an embarrassingly long time to realize that Nate had raped her. He may also have been intoxicated, but he's the one with male privilege, which gives him power that Serena does not have.) A person who is too young cannot be relied upon to make healthy decisions; this is why we have age of consent laws. A person on the wrong side of a power imbalance may feel that they cannot say no, or be afraid to say no, which takes away their ability to choose to say yes and means they cannot meaningfully consent.
In short: rape is not just an act of violence. It's not just the rapist forcing themselves on their victim. Rape and consent are far more complex than the black-and-white scenario society gives us. A person can be raped without ever fighting back or saying no, and a person can commit rape without ever realizing they're doing it. Intent does not erase an act or its effects.
This? This right here? Is why I struggle so much with Jake/Neytiri from Avatar. She never told him that they would be married/bonded for life until it was too late for him to back out. And I have no idea how to fix it. Make them BOTH drunk? But then she still has the power over him given it's her culture, her native physiology, and she's his teacher...Ugh.
That aside, I don't watch GG, but I love this post. It's detailed and fierce and awesome.
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A consenting person cannot be: intoxicated; deeply emotionally distraught; too young; on the wrong side of a major power imbalance; other stuff I am probably forgetting. A person who is intoxicated or otherwise unable to think clearly cannot make healthy decisions. (Example from the show: Serena at the wedding where she had sex with Nate. It is made clear over and over that she would never, ever have done it sober, but the event is so intensely romanticized and eroticized that it took me an embarrassingly long time to realize that Nate had raped her. He may also have been intoxicated, but he's the one with male privilege, which gives him power that Serena does not have.) A person who is too young cannot be relied upon to make healthy decisions; this is why we have age of consent laws. A person on the wrong side of a power imbalance may feel that they cannot say no, or be afraid to say no, which takes away their ability to choose to say yes and means they cannot meaningfully consent.
In short: rape is not just an act of violence. It's not just the rapist forcing themselves on their victim. Rape and consent are far more complex than the black-and-white scenario society gives us. A person can be raped without ever fighting back or saying no, and a person can commit rape without ever realizing they're doing it. Intent does not erase an act or its effects.
This? This right here? Is why I struggle so much with Jake/Neytiri from Avatar. She never told him that they would be married/bonded for life until it was too late for him to back out. And I have no idea how to fix it. Make them BOTH drunk? But then she still has the power over him given it's her culture, her native physiology, and she's his teacher...Ugh.
That aside, I don't watch GG, but I love this post. It's detailed and fierce and awesome.